Personal Development Toolbox

Ideas to contribute to your success!

The Question

I found this on Bob Starkey’s basketball coaching blog , and it applies to all walks of life.

A big thanks to Stephanie Zonars for posting this link on her twitter timeline. It’s a piece by Darren Hardy of and should be ready by every coach, parent, spouse and friend.

During my interview with Dan Sullivan for the May issue of SUCCESS he suggested there was a question you could ask that would immediately determine if you were trusted by someone, and it would engender deeper trust with those who do trust you. I decided to test it.

The Question

Whether with a prospect, existing client, vendor, colleague or family member, this is the question to ask:

“If we were to sit down together 3 years from now, what would have to happen to make you feel happy with your success or progress?”

Then be quiet and listen.

If they don’t answer you (refuse to answer, change topic, say something sarcastic), they don’t trust you.

If they do answer they will probably reveal some of their innermost desires, hopes and motivations.

I tried this with eight people over the last week…

I was dismayed (and enlightened) by a few I hadn’t realized didn’t trust me (enough to share their inner feelings, hopes and dreams). This became very informative on how I have showed up to them or might have treated them. Changes will be made.

With the other five I had some of the most meaningful and intimate conversations I have had with almost anyone, ever. There is no question, after discussing this question, that our trust connection is now significantly deeper. I plan to continue to ask this question in as many circumstances as possible—it is very telling, quickly.

Using this question yourself will not only be useful in helping you figure out how you can help other people, but it will also build great intimacy between you. Most people don’t ask that deep of a question and then listen fully while someone reveals the answer.

Practice by asking this question to your children, members of your family, your employees and members of your team. Then ask potential clients, customers and prospects.

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